Words thrum through the air
And stick in my heart
As I absorb them
One by one
Like a pin cushion
Till the pain seeps
Through the cracks
Spilling down my cheeks
Splashing across the backs
of my hands
Pooling at my feet
As I pray
Oh, God,
I am not enough…
Fibers rend
Flesh from flesh
As I begin to see that
I simply cannot love
Enough
For two
Cannot will my son to
LIVE
To breathe,
To hope
I can only
Release
And trust
Relinquish my son
To the One
Who never fails
No matter how this ends
Because somehow
In this upside down
Inside out
Live to die
Die to live
Faith
There is Love
Immeasurable
Pulsing within my own soul
Bursting, splitting,
Rending my very self
But it costs
Cutting deeper
Than I ever dreamed
Possible
As I slowly tear open
Tear-soaked fingers
Surrendering heart and soul
And self
~ me ~
As a living sacrifice
Not once
But again and again
And again
Deeper
Relinquishing every want
Hope, dream
All
For Him
To receive
The whole measure
Of the fullness of Christ
Emmanuel
God with us!
Grace
Abundant
Poured out
Spilled over
Because
He is Love
and
Love.
Never.
Fails.
Linking with the beautiful community at Graceful:
For the past four weeks we’ve been studying 1 Corinthians 13 in church. For the past ten weeks, we’ve been experiencing one of the toughest parenting cliffs of our lives. Together they’ve spilled out into this, One Love, because God is good. All the time. And though today I know only in part, one day I “shall know fully, even as I am known.” Joy in the midst of hard! Love that conquers all!
Sharing also with Laura at the Wellspring:
And with DversePoets, where words spill and poets speak.
I don’t know what you’re facing with your son, but God does and I will lift him and you up to the Father. Beautiful post and I hope that you and your family are blessed.
This is really beautiful, Cindee! It really is.
I know that I cannot truly know the depths of this pain, but I can pray… and am. Beautifully, painfully written and poured out.
What would we do without these creative outlets?
The way you choose your words, then arrange them and organize them and bring them to life to unlock our empathic hearts in ways we want to feel – and don’t, but can’t help it when we read you and feel you and get you because you share your heart and prayers. Our hearts echo those heartfelt prayers. Hear those echoes and know you are not alone.
In His Love that Never Fails.
Love you,
L<
You’ve broken our hearts for your family. Still praying for you all. Thank you for these beautiful words.
Thanks for sharing your heart so transparently. I’ve always run for the pen when my heart is wounded and cut right open. His love never fails. And His love knows your pain as He watched His own son bleed and die for the world. May His love be your comfort and may you sense His presence in a powerful way.
Beautiful, beautiful poetry – and the picture…gorgeous.
Thank you for sharing so openly. You are courageous.
You continue in my thoughts and prayers, Cindee, as you walk this hard, hard road. You’ve described it exquisitely – all the pain and heartbreak and helplessness — and the undergirding presence of a loving God right in the middle of all that brokenness. Praying that answers/help/openness/relief will come. Soon.
The “whole measure” is what I want! Your writing is unique and beautiful.
Cindee. This is heartwrenchingly beautiful. And how many times have I felt this? Lord, I’m not enough…Praying for you, my friend. Sending love.
Your faith holds you up; you find your answers within. Everything is cyclical. We all eventually find our way home. Beautifully written.
This was a powerful, raw write. For me, the power comes from all the phrases short and in quick succession; produces an effect that this is a confession. Loved reading this, and if it is biographical, I pray for your comfort, Best, Moskowitz
yep you got me in tears…its been one of those days…and this goes right in there with things i needed to hear and feel for the day…thank you…smiles…
Sad and beautiful..prayers and good wishes.
If you had a double like button, I would have clicked on it. A real blessing. Just what I needed to hear. I could hear my mothers voice throughout the read.
What ever your travail with your son, you got me straight in the heart with this. May your own heart, and his, be soothed.
Lady Nyo