“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” ~ Psalm 19:14.
My seventeen year old son recently released his first iPhone (iPad, iPod) game via Apple and a few hours later casually remarked, “You know, when you put something out there publicly, you realize just how much you care what other people think.”
My son had received some unfavorable comments and it hurt my heart. He’d worked for months on this game from concept, storyline, characterization, modeling, coding and application to applying for a developer’s license and buying Unity to working through multiple rounds of alpha and beta testing to finally releasing the game for approval by Apple. I knew the whole story. I’d seen the hours invested, the months, the dedication in the midst of illness that others did not.
My son has a 27-letter long, nearly unpronounceable GI disease. He takes lots of medications, gave up many of the foods he once loved, and often fights pain and nausea. As his mom, I see what others don’t. My son is sick and never complains. Ever. He simply pours himself into something productive, something challenging, something other than himself, which is why those critical comments hurt my mama heart. My son’s game isn’t perfect, but it is an investment – a part of him – something he’s poured himself into for months, and biased or not, I think it’s well done.
“I don’t really mind the criticism,” he told me later when I asked. “It’ll just make my next game that much better.”
“Oh, Lord,” I thought. “My son gets this and he’s only seventeen. How often do I – the 46-year old! – check the stats on my website after publishing a new story, another poem? How often do I check for comments or “Likes” on my webpage? I say that I write what’s on my heart and release the words to You to use as You choose, but do I? Really? Way down deep where nobody sees? Because if my words truly are an expression, a pouring out of Your work in my life, nothing beyond writing and releasing them should matter.”
Sigh…but it does. Somewhere deep inside, too often, it does matter, and every time it does, I sink just like the disciple Peter. When Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he stepped right out of that boat and walked on top of the water toward Jesus, but the second he looked away, Peter noticed those waves and sank.
It’s the same with me. As soon as I take my eyes off Jesus, I begin to sink. “What do others think? Will my words encourage or incite? Are they enough? Am I?” And that’s the sting of pride, because it’s not about others, it’s all about Jesus – every thought, every word, every action, every breath solely focused on Him.
So focused it breathes out when we don’t even realize it, kind of like the title of my son’s game. I’m not sure he intended it to honor God, but like his life, it does. Infinity^3 is the scientific notation for infinity cubed, reminding me of the Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit – infinite, eternal, all. For as we learn to focus our eyes on Jesus, regardless of our situation, in spite of the circumstances, we too learn to walk trusting and unafraid.
Sam’s game Infinity^3 is available in the App Store for $0.99.
Blessed to be sharing with the beautiful women of We Used to be You today.